Holding Out For A Hero
by strawberrymacchiato
Summary: Summary: Everybody has a hero inside of them. Even geeks like Rachel Berry. It's just that sometimes, they need a little push to bring it out of them. Crack!Fic. One-shot.


Rachel yawns, lets her eyelids flutter open, and it's just another stupid Friday. Well, it's actually Valentine's day, but that basically translates to witnessing everybody in school but herself receive tokens of affection that are most often in the form of chocolate. Which she would never eat, of course, due to the dairy inside it. Like anyone would ever even _remember _the fact that she was vegan. People hardly knew she existed.

She reaches for the thick rimmed glasses on her bedside table lamp. The glasses that her arch nemesis, Quinn Fabray, has smashed a good twenty times. Yes, Rachel's been counting. She's a perfectionist, another trait to bring out the dork in her even more. Technically, that would be 'the _geek _in her' because yes, there is a difference between geek and dork. Rachel could probably give you a succinct breakdown between the two in a colourful powerpoint presentation, but she's quite the busy girl these days.

"Huh? What's wrong with these?"

She rubs out the smudges in the glass in case she missed a spot, and puts them on again. Yes, what with the upcoming insect concerto she was organising as well as keeping up with homework, Rachel had been spending way more time at the library than her house and-and wait a second, apparently, she suddenly had 20/20 vision.

She put the glasses down slowly.

"Holy petunias."

A dictionary can't adequately describe how she's feeling. Shocked would be putting it mildly. You see, Rachel has had serious problems with her vision since she was three, and as much as she wishes for it, she knows that sight doesn't magically get better the more carrots you eat. In fact, there was only one case that she knew of in which someone's eyesight _did _improve through 'natural means'. And that was on television.

"You wish. You're not Peter Parker." She snorts.

She got up from her bed and made her way to the closet. She never really thought there was a problem with her dress sense until her aunt Mary told her she looked like the mad hatter gone wrong. Although that had hurt Rachel immensely, she was used to insults by now. And by insults I mean 'RuPaul', 'manhands', and 'treasure trail'. All delivered by her arch nemesis, naturally. It pained her to admit it, but she had memorised them. She never quite understood how Quinn managed to come up with those sorts of names. They were all related to a man, something Rachel obviously was not. And there was something else about the whole situation that was even weirder.

Rachel craned her neck to take a quick peek behind her, and swallowed.

Luckily she wasn't really a man. Then this sort of thing would be having way more of an effect on her.

By some mystical alignment of the stars in the universe, Quinn and her snobby family had ended up moving in right next door to Rachel. Yes, right next door, and Quinn's room just had to be located on the second floor opposite hers. Each morning, the girl would pull the blind up and stretch her arms out, welcoming the morning sun. Then she'd proceed to get dressed in her figure hugging cheerleading outfit, with its bold red and white colours that dared you to look.

The first time it happened, Rachel had gone red and simply pulled down her blinds to erase the sight. Which was of course, the moral thing to do. Besides, Quinn hated her. Why the heck would she be curious to see the girl that hated her getting dressed for school? But then one day at school, the 'Puck' situation happened. To be honest with you, Rachel doesn't particularly like recalling this experience. But for the sake of the story, it must be said.

The three of them were the last of the students in the gymnasium. They had just finished a game of indoor basketball, and Puck was flaring his nostrils at Quinn like a sex crazed beast. Pretty much like all the other boys used to do, actually.

"So does that mean you'll go out with me?"

Quinn flipped her hair to the side and sighed impatiently. And understandably so, given that she'd just told the boy she wasn't interested in him.

"Come on babe, the Puckzilla can't wait around all day."

"If I remember correctly, she just said she doesn't like 'mohawked morons'." Rachel said angrily.

She felt herself blush when Quinn paused and turned to look at her. Indeed this was strange. Even she didn't know why she'd spoken up for her.

Puck's eyebrows rose slightly.

"Mohawked morons? What, you think she'd be interested in _you _instead?"

Puck laughed.

"You think you're superman or something? Coming to her rescue? Go back to your books, nerd."

He began to walk away, not noticing the error of his word choice. But when Rachel turned to look at Quinn, she noticed that _she _was blushing.

And so, ever since the 'Puck' situation, something weird had begun to happen to Rachel. It was probably the 'something weird' that made her start leaving her blind up in the morning, and start feeling jittery every time she watched Quinn run her fingers through her hair.

Today was no different. She could see Quinn slipping on a pretty red dress with white spots. Even the cheerleaders were allowed to get dressed up a little on Valentine's day. And boy did it make Rachel's heart throb. She was in such a daze she hadn't noticed she had risen at least thirty centimetres off the ground. At that precise moment, she heard a loud, ripping sound coming from Quinn's house, and the next second the roof had been completely ripped off.

A large unearthly creature that looked part lizard part Puck was towering over her room.

"I'M NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER," The creature said, "YOU MUST BE MY VALENTINE!"

Quinn was cowering in the corner, too afraid to come out in case another brick almost hit her head.

"I'm not going out with you Puck!"

The creature bent its head back and let out a large belch, which turned into a deep chuckle.

"AND JUST GIVE ME A REASON WHY NOT!"

It went on, bending down to try and grab at her with its oversized hand.

"Because I'm not your willing victim!"

Quinn swatted at his arms but it was no good. He really had turned into a beast.

"You're coming with me, Princess!" Puckzilla roared, plucking her out of the room like she was a daffodil in the field.

The whole time, Rachel watched in absolute horror.

Firstly, she was frozen with even more shock than she'd experienced earlier on when her eyesight had suddenly corrected itself. And secondly, Puck had transformed into an uglier version of Godzilla, and just kidnapped the girl she liked.

"Oh no."

Oh yes. Rachel hadn't realised it until this moment, but she had developed a crush on Quinn. Her first real, full blown crush! She'd have to document this sometime later. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror to make sure she looked presentable, and gasped loudly. No, she hadn't suddenly grown a ruler's length. She was levitating.

"I can fly!" She screamed joyfully.

But then she realised what that would entail. Flying was a superpower, which of course meant that she was now superwoman. Or superman, according to both Quinn and Puck.

_Puck._

This was all Puck's fault! If he hadn't said that stupid comment about superman and godzilla then this whole thing wouldn't be happening!

"Rachel I hope you're getting ready for schoo-HOLY GERANIUMS!"

Leroy fainted on the spot. Rachel shook her head in dismay at her father's display of weak will, but realised that deep down, she wasn't much better.

She looked up at the demolished remainders of Quinn's room.

"I have to do it. I have to do it for Quinn."

* * *

He kept her tight in his grimy clutches and eyed off any bystanders who tried to get close.

"DON'T WORRY BABE, WE CAN LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN!"

Quinn shivered in his grasp and yelled things like "get bent", "mutant", and "you'll never steal my heart", until her voice became hoarse.

And then, from just behind the Lima Bean café, Biff the Terrible broke out of a dumpster he had slept in the night before, and launched himself at them.

Puckzilla spat goo in his face.

"GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU FREAK!"

Biff the Terrible snobbishly laughed right back in his face.

"That the best you got? Just look at your poor little scales. Look kinda itchy."

"SHUT UP MCDIMPLEBUTT! PUCKZILLA IS AWESOME!"

He growled savagely into Biff the Terrible's face, blasting him with his horrendous breath. And even Biff the Terrible wasn't powerful enough to withstand the foul stench that was Puckzilla.

"HAHAHA! K.O!"

Quinn prayed from inside the sweaty confines of his lizard skin that somebody, _anybody _would save her right now. Normally, she wasn't the kind of girl who turned to others for help. But in this case, she was quite literally holding out for a hero.

"Stop right there!"

Rachel was hoping she wasn't too late, that Puck hadn't somehow forced Quinn to fall in love with him via some occult reptillian ritual, especially considering the fact that the two of them had never really had any romantic chemistry between them. That was something Rachel was certain of. In fact, she didn't even care if some of the teachers at her school-namely Mr. Murphy, Mr. Brennan, and Mr. Falchuk-tried to convince the whole student body otherwise. Sometimes teachers were just wrong. At least Mr. Schue wasn't in on this sordid scheme. He was too busy taking Emma on dates to ever be on time for class anyway.

Puckzilla sniffled the air in a beastly fashion and his yellow eyes locked on Rachel's.

"BRING IT, SUPERMAN!"

Rachel frowned. As a newly appointed superhero, she wasn't going to put up with this anymore.

"Shut your mouth, Puckerman! I've come to get my girl, so step out of my way before I make you!"

Again, Puck laughed at her just like he'd done that day in the gymnasium.

"HAVE YOU SEEN LIZARD GUNS, BABY?" He said, straining his biceps, "TWICE AS STRONG."

Rachel almost puked, but felt it considerate to the people hundreds of metres below her that she didn't.

Brawns. That was all Puck had. Brawns without brains. Rachel just had to find his weakness, and she'd be safe home. But what weaknesses did _lizards _have?

"GIVE UP, SHE'LL NEVER BE YOURS!"

Rachel thought furiously. Now was the time to pull out her extended knowledge of the animal kingdom. Never mind that she had an awful dress sense. Never mind that she had never had a Valentine and probably never would for the rest of her life. And never mind that there was no chance that out of the human race, Quinn would just happen to like her and thereby return her feelings.

No. None of that mattered. She just needed to save her.

"You know what, Puckerman? You're right! She never will be mine. But guess what? I don't care, because I love her."

"AWW, HOW CUTE." He hissed. "YOU KNOW, YOU AND I AREN'T REALLY THAT DIFFERENT, RACHEL."

Rachel narrowed her eyes. She had heard the beginning of this speech in too many films to count.

"Actually, we are. For one, Puckerman, you're part lizard. That means you're also part ectothermic, which in turn means that the environment regulates your body temperature."

Puckzilla stared at her dumbfounded.

"And secondly, lizards don't like it when it gets too cold."

With that, Rachel crossed her hands over each other and began generating an ice beam.

"YOU CAN'T HURT ME! HAHAHA!"

Puckzilla tried to turn around and run away, but he should have taken Rachel more seriously. Sometimes, nerds, well, geeks actually, knew their science pretty well.

The moment the ice contacted his skin he screamed, and his scaly fingers automatically fanned out, letting Quinn fall freely to the ground.

"Somebody help!"

She cried, and it only took Rachel another second to react. She swooped down without hesitation, battling the g-forces that were threatening to wipe her out cold, because she couldn't afford that right now, and extended her arms out carefully to catch the girl of her dreams. She brought her closer to her chest, smiling in relief.

"Are you alright, Quinn?"

But Quinn was just gazing at her in awe, not able to say a word. She leaned in and kissed Rachel on the cheek, and Rachel instantly went red.

"Just in case I never tell you this in real life...you're my hero Rachel."

Real life?

The next thing she knows she's lying down, and her body is covered with a familiar warmth.

Rachel yawns, lets her eyelids flutter open, and smiles at her wonderful musical note bed covers. It's just another stupid Friday. Well, it's actually Valentine's day, but that basically translates to witnessing everybody in school but herself get treated with copious amounts of chocolate. Which she would never eat, of course, due the fact that she's vegan and vegans don't believe in animal cruelty and-

"Holy Petunias! It was a dream!"

"Rachel I hope you're getting ready for school! It's already 7:30!"

That's Leroy, alright. Always prim and proper.

She sighs, and reaches for the thick rimmed glasses on her bedside table lamp. The glasses that her unrequited crush, Quinn Fabray, has smashed a good twenty times.

"You'll never be mine. And that's ok. I'll always be yours, Quinn."

At school that day, nothing was really out of the ordinary. Well, Rachel was a _little _startled when she saw Puck showing off his new pet lizard to Finn and Artie. And maybe a tad nervous when Puck started singing 'Just give me a reason' to Quinn pretty much out of nowhere. But the weirdest thing out of the whole day? Well, the final bell of the day had rang and everyone had rushed out the door eagerly. Rachel had stayed back, of course, to ask Mr. Schue why she got 98% instead of 100% on a recent assignment they'd had. So when she went out into the corridor it was empty. She sighed, heading towards her locker in disappointment. This was how she'd always be. Geeky, and alone.

But when she put in her combination and the locker door opened, she grinned at what she found there.

They were pretty small, but Rachel knew that brand. It was chocolate. It was vegan.

And on it was a little note that said,

"Thanks for sticking up for me the other day. I guess you are kinda my hero."


End file.
